That’s right! It’s time to join The Fucking Club.
In your first year, you get:
- 1.89 L stainless steel Unfiltered growler (filled with beer).
- $1 discount on every fill of your Club growler (Monday through Wednesday).
- An Unfiltered glass.
- A limited-edition t-shirt.
- Two bottles of vintage-dated Russian Imperial Stout at Christmas (go ahead, see how long you can stand to cellar them).
- Advance notice of new beer releases.
- Priority access to limited edition beers.
- Free growler fill on your birthday (you only get one birthday a year, Dave. Fuck!).
- Early notice of special events.
- Right-of-refusal for subsequent limited-edition t-shirts.
- Other cool stuff as the Trinity may see fit.
In subsequent years, you get everything except the growler (you still get it filled when you sign up again, though!), glass, and shirt.
Level One membership costs $250, and is renewable yearly for $175. (As of now. You know, inflation, and all that jazz. Plus HST. Fuck!) You’ll get a chance to sign up for another year of good shit before we give your spot away.
Level One memberships run for a year from Opening Day.
All the Level One stuff, except:
- Instead of the stainless steel growler, you get one that’s way cooler. Trust us, it’s fucking worth it!
- You don’t have to remember to re-up! (So if you plan to live and drink in Haligon for awhile, Level Two is the obvious choice.)
Level Two membership is $1000 (plus HST. What can ya fucking do?)
All the Level Two stuff, plus:
• you get to brew with Nash. From start to finish, you work your fucking ass off while he yells about what you’re about to do wrong. Then you’ll take a 20 L keg (or the equivalent in growlers) of what you brewed away to drink with your crew.
Level Three membership costs $5000 (plus HST. Fucking pocket change for you!) That’s right. (And you only get to brew with Nash once, unless he decides he really likes you. And let’s be honest, that probably won’t happen.)
Level Two and Three membership lasts as long as you, or we (Unfiltered Brewing), do. (We think we’ll last longer. Than you, anyway, Dave.)
Renewal of Level One membership is not automatic. Your space in the Club is guaranteed as long as you remit payment for the coming year by the renewal deadline. You will be reminded via email (make sure we have a current address) of the deadline; if you do not remit payment by that time, your membership will become available for someone else to purchase.
You are responsible for the growler once you leave the store. If you lose it, break it (uhhhhhh…), whatever – you’ll have to buy another one.
Memberships are not transferable or refundable.
You must be of legal drinking age to join. (So no signing up the kids to get multiple discounts, Dave. Sorry.)
If you want in, email <firstname.lastname@example.org> and give us your:
- desired membership level;
- birthday (you can leave off the year);
- preferred email address (if different); and
- most important, t-shirt size.
If your membership is approved by the Trinity (and there are only 100 spaces, so those we like have priority), you’ll receive instructions on how to pay.